All of my previous posts have been written with a specific topic in mind, always stemming from some minor crisis which have beset my mind during the course of this poly adventure. This may explain why the posts have not been particularly forthcoming of late – everything is going very well.
Simone and I are in love, and have told one another so. And not just when we're drunk or apologising, but during normal, everyday situations. It's most gratifying. "I'm in love with you" is an unusual collection of words, and one which can have such an impact on both the speaker and the listener. It can, in one fell swoop, feel like you've discovered an Achilles' heel, and have been given the armour to cover it.
We also met a poly couple who are over here from the US for supper, which was great fun, and the first time I have met and chatted to another poly couple in the real world rather than online. We went to a fabulous Gypsy Jazz bar in Battersea (South London) and sat chatting for a few hours about ourselves, their travels plans, poly etc. It may sound strange, but this was the first time I have discussed polyamory as if it is a normal thing to do - in the past I have either been justifying the choice, discussing the issues or writing this 'ere blog. I really enjoyed it and am looking forward to doing more of the same in the future.
Finally, and this is a strange one to feel positive about, but hear me out... Earlier this week I had been planning to go out with Charlotte, someone I met through work a couple of years ago and have been seeing recently. That morning, lying in bed, Sim had a jealous moment – the first I have witnessed. She was honest about the way she was feeling (not something which comes naturally to either of us), but insisted that I not change my plans for her. In the end I didn't see Charlotte, not because Sim didn't want me to, but because I didn't want to anymore. I would far rather discuss the why she felt that way and see if we can work through it before Charlotte and I see each other again.
One of my fears up to now has been a common one in relationships; that I would be more hurt if Sim and I were to break up. Thinking about it, this may be another way to say that I thought Sim was more likely to end the relationship than me. The more I think about this, however, the less rational it seems. Primarily, I have no reason to believe this was the case other than my own insecurity, and I think the paragraph above reflects this. Furthermore, even if this was the case, what's the point in worrying about it!? Indeed, worrying is probably an effective way to increase the likelihood of this actually happening! Ultimately, I think it's good to feel a bit jealous and a bit insecure at this stage in a relationship - it suggests that we have something great, something we value, something we'd be sad to lose.
So – in summary life is peachy! I'm in love with a wonderful woman, I feel more secure than I have in a long time and, well, it's nearly summer. What more could one ask for!?
